ArmchairGM Wiki

ArmchairGm Burns: 03/16/08 & 03/17/08

By: Nate Gordon

(Monday morning, 10:32AM: Nate awakes slowly, the sun had finally snuck through the blinds and brought his body back to reality. After a yawn and a stretch he tries to turn on the TV but it won’t respond. He gets up and walks over to it and hits the “on” button. Still nothing. Over to the light switch, nothing. It occurs to Nate that his roommate failed to pay the utilities on time and a note on the doorknob confirms this. After showering by candlelight… yes, candlelight, he gets dressed and attempts to contact the roommate. No answer. He left a message and went on about his day. While the faithful of ArmchairGM waited with baited breath, the Burns never arrived. They returned that night to see if anything changed. Nothing. The next morning; surly Nate had posted them a day late. Nothing. A 24 hour period passed and there were no burns.)

Yes, my roommate paid NONE of the bills this month. Not the electricity, nor the cable or internet. Although he had the money from me to pay all of them, they all went by unpaid. We now have the electric back, but shouldn’t have cable and internet until the end of the week. So, the burns are still coming everyday, but they will not be so timely until everything gets sorted out. I love being young and living with a roommate…

Anyway, there is plenty to try and cover over the last 2 days and I already used 200 words on that little story. I promise to use the next 800-900 words on You, because You are who makes this little puppy bark, fetch, crap and hump. So let’s move past the formalities and get to what I’m burning on:

Denver: 168 – Seattle: 116

Holy crip they’re crapples. Most nights when the Denver Nuggets allow a team to score 119 points in regulation they lose. However, when you answer 119 with 168 points of your own, you’re not only going to win, your going to get talked about. The Nuggets put up more points then a lot of entire games in the 1990s (the era of 88-83). Stockton and Malone would have crapped their pants if they gave up 168 points in a game. What you are starting to see from the Supersonics is a lack of effort from the players who are carrying a “What the hell for?” attitude. Are you going to play hard today? What the hell for? Are you going to show up on time today? What the hell for? The players tried to work their hardest early in the season and were handled plenty of lopsided losses for their meager efforts. So now they see no point in putting out full effort, especially when they get down in a game early. The rest of the Sonics season will be spent with the players’ clock watching asking: “When will this ever end?”

MegECass is a Globetrotter

ArmchairGM foxy lady MegECass is off traveling across Europe, sharing stories of her travels and partaking in the great experiences of the world. Of course by great experiences I speak of losing your luggage, hanging around people form a different culture who smell funny, and being hit on in a language you don’t understand by men/women you don’t care to spend time with. She has chosen to take time out of her busy schedule to tell us why she is getting excited for the upcoming baseball season. All I hear are “Top 10 Reasons I Want To, and Want You To Forget That I’m A Screaming Proud Patriots Fan.” Ah, the Patriots fans have been awfully quiet since the Super Bowl, and man on man has that silence been golden. Not having to listen to Bostonians and the fans of their sports teams going on and on about how great and perfect the Patriots are. If you think this is the only or last time (or hardest I’m burning on) Patriot fans, you’re sadly mistaken. This is actually a nice easy warm up burn because she only spent 1 of her 10 reasons on the Patriots… but you’ll see, give it time and a short Patriot Fans memory and I’ll be burning you soon enough.

Is He A Hall of Famer?

The Sports Apple has released his second edition of the NBA version of “Is He A Hall of Famer?” Sports Apple tells me to tell a friend at the start of his articles, I think you guys will have to suffice. This time around he takes a look at 3 true borderline players, and one non-player that is an absolute lock. Curious at who would never play and still make the hall of fame? Ask Chris Rock, then click the link and think you noob.

The 3rd Degree: Cougar, Where Do We Get Off?

I have three times now either passed up burning on something because I felt like it was created with intent to get under my skin and into the burns. I’ve also once decided against burning on something because I didn’t want to give it exposure it didn’t deserve. However, when it comes to Cougar2K, I think he just doesn’t think before he writes. Or he doesn’t read what he writes aloud, or both. The comparisons and analogies this guy makes are usually inane, or just out right absurd. The ideals and concepts that he bases the ideas on can be sensationalistic and moreover, can be very narrow minded. Today, he is against Bobby Knights' idea of expanding the NCAA Tournament for reasons I don’t agree with (although I agree the tournament shouldn’t be expanded). Also, a couple of times Cougar just sounds like an idiot, an idiot I’ll be glad to check. His words are in bold, everything else is me:

We start with the opening that would make every Editor In Chief in America cringe with disbelief: Robert Montgomery Knight. Chairs fear him. Whips are close friends. He can be a bit surly at times and sometimes has a bedside manner that makes the Nazis look like Carmelite nuns. Wait, what?!?! This isn’t funny, this is just stupid. His bedside manner makes Nazis look like Carmelite nuns? So Bobby Knight is meaner to people then Nazis were? Do you think about what you write when you write it? Or do you just go on and pull analogies out of your ass and wipe your nose with them? It hardly makes sense, and it is terribly insulting to a man YOU HAVE NEVER MET. I have never met Bobby Knight, I have only seen highlights and interviews, so I cannot speak on his personal demeanor. Neither can you, that is irresponsible, but what’s new.

1. Logistics. Most teams do not play their games on campus. Cases in point: Georgetown, Memphis, Southern California and Memphis. They share arenas with NBA teams that may be using the facility on the nights when these teams are playing. It's also a nightmare for fans that have to travel great distances to see their teams play. So lets see, last time I checked the majority of Division 1 teams play home games on campus. Those who don’t that you mention are: Georgetown, Memphis, Southern Cal, and Memphis again. First off, Georgetown and Memphis, the first time you list them, can easily have their games moved to a nearby location. Both schools are in major metropolitan areas and both can easily use another facility without too much hassle if a conflict did arise. Also, USC (Don’t use Southern Cal, the school doesn’t like it, use the full name or USC) moved to the Galen Center on campus 3 seasons ago and were in the LA Sports Arena before that, which was vacant. So other then using the same school twice, a school that doesn’t have a logistics problem, and 2 schools that could easily fix the logistics problem, you have no case here. Great job wasting my time and your own and probably making a jackass out of both of us by making me go through this. Again, you didn’t do your homework and your writing comes up irresponsible.

2. It would interfere with the NIT. No it wouldn’t. It would make the NIT even more irrelevent then it already is. Does anyone watch the NIT outside of the fans of the schools who make it? No, and with those teams now making the NCAA and making that money instead, they would be happy. So who loses here? Teams who bank on making the NIT every season, and if you’re that mediocre that you bank on the NIT for your post-season experience, then your team doesn’t deserve a post-season. Of course in Cougar’s world, everyone would go to the post-season, everyone on every team would play and that way everyone would be happy. No one would has self esteem problems and all the ills of the world would be gone.

3. A tournament of this nature would be a scheduling nightmare, not just for the schools but for the networks that want to cover the games. Plus, most schools are out for Spring Break during this time. Plus, officials from neutral conferences would have to work the games. I’m now sure you have no idea what you are talking about. When the tournament went from 64 to 65 teams (which also means you were wrong in your number 4, a number I won’t be covering here.) they expanded the tournament to the Tuesday before the first weekend. With 1 extra round (going to 128 teams) we would only have to fully use that entire first Match Day (which would be split into mon/tues) and would have to schedule 1 extra day of use that the venues already being provided for the tournament. This would provide extra travel and tourism to those locations, boosting their economy. Also since we don’t have to dip into an extra week, the school don’t have to change anything to be able to accommodate a bigger tournament.

So Cougar, do you think that Bobby Knight went onto national television and ran off at the mouth without thinking first? Do you believe that he didn’t think of these obvious things before going ahead and putting himself out there in one of his first live telecast? I have no idea what you thought, but may I reiterate that it was terribly irresponsible.

For a guy who claims to be a substitute teacher, you write quite irresponsibly. I guess when you're hiding behind a computer monitor you don’t have to be reasonable right? That is the thing that bothers me the most though, is that I think you DON’T believe what you write is irresponsible or out of place. You believe that being inane and absurd, making poor comparisons, or insulting ones and tragic analogies are okay. You believe it is okay to sit on a pedestal and wag your finger, holier then thou. Because you have children and a job as a rent-a-teacher you can go on and be the moral and ethical authority on things. Any man with a penis can make children and any pedophile and register to be a rent-a-teacher (until they get caught). I’m not impressed, nor do I care to be. As long as you write things that need to be sorted out Cougar, I will be here to sort you out, trust. So either get use to me using a thousand words twice a week to give you the business, or get use to writing with some sort of sense. I’m tired of spending time on you, on to the cartoon quotes:

Cartoon Quotes

  • Huey Freeman: I'm tryin' to explain to you that Ronald Reagan was the devil. Ronald Wilson Reagan? Each of his names has six letters? 6-6-6? Man, doesn't that offend you?
  • Ed Wuncler: The only joy I get from these parties is standing around telling mean-spirited jokes at other people's expense.

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I do that, too!

Ed Wuncler: Check out that guy. Why is his face all twisted up like that? Looks like he jacks off with Icy Hot. He looks like he just shit a gerbil!

Mr. Burns - AGM Mascot