ArmchairGM Wiki

ArmchairGM Burns: Spring Silliness Redux

By: Nate Gordon

(DISCLAIMER: About half of this isn't necessary... the other half was optional)

Since we last posted many things have happened. Since we posted many conversations have been conversed and many thoughts have been postulated. However you have not heard publicly from me, except to tell you that I was going to do this post last Monday. Well, I forgot to take a few things into consideration in that post, most importantly my trip to San Diego to spend Spring Break partly with my cousin and partly with my friend and “internet” poker pro Cprease. Cprease has asked because of his status in the online community and his hard work to stay unknown to that community that I use his Username instead of his real name. You can catch him playing $5/$10 NL hold em at Ultimate Bet nightly. Anyway, that is the main reason I have not posted any burns in so long. This edition of the Burns will be built more along my stream of conciseness instead of on topics posted on the site. There has been too much posted, but I will do my best to try to keep some form of organized writing… I hope.

“First Off, Fack You And The Click You Claim”

I choose this headline, the opening line of Tupac’s “Hit Em Up” to serve both literally and figuratively. Figuratively it is representative of my current thoughts on Jamele Hill and in the literal sense it is directed at those critical of my previous burns. Who to handle first? We’ll get back to Miss. Hill, first – the haters.

So first, I have never been given special treatment for things I have said on ArmchairGM, at least to my knowledge. If someone in power chooses not to punish me for something questionable that is their choice and above my head. However, I have never asked for or received any kind of extra leeway for my writing, the same holds true for consequences for things I have said that are deemed inappropriate. So for those of you who think I say whatever and do whatever I want behind some secret immunity your just plain wrong. I play by the same rules as everyone else. Actually because of my nature of being active and sharp in comments, I’m probably watched closer then the average user. Yet I have never received ONE complaint or suggestion to alter or change my content for my “Burns” from any Admin or Founder. Why would this be? Maybe because those whose opinions matter in decisions don’t find anything wrong with what I write? Yes, I would have to assume this to be true.

One Anon. tool of a user… actually, one major TOOL of a user decided to complain about me to an admin. He has proven too scared to message me and discuss his problems like a real man because I can only assume that he lacks any sort of testicles. That is okay, because if you are a women then I can only assume you lack integrity. How slimy can you be to go snitch to the teacher because you don’t like what I write? At least snitch to the resident Rent-A-Teacher… sorry Cougar, Mr. Rent-A-Teacher, so I could get a detention. I am embarrassed to think that a member of this community that I respect so highly would not respect me enough as a man to discuss his issues with me. What are his issues you might ask? In the totality of the “Burns” this man had 9 separate issues with my writing. Including:

  • Calling Frank and SSR douches (this is untrue, I said they get involved in fights where they try to determine who is the biggest douche)
  • Calls Trizz a fool and rips his writing (This is what the Burns are all about! I think this guy doesn’t ’’get it’’)
  • Hatred towards Cougar, Abusive towards Cougar:

Please allow me a chance to defend this. I harbor NO HATE towards anyone on this website, or any website for that matter. The complainer is a putz. (yea, Anon I’ll call you whatever the fack I please until you unmask yourself) He doesn’t know me, yet is able to decide that I hate Cougar. I hate Cougar? That is untrue. I have respect for Cougar as another hard working man and am sure he is a Great American!

Did I get abusive? Yes, I didn’t intend to have back-to-back-to-back Burns that involved Cougar. Each “Burns” stands on it’s own from day to day and I don’t carry over ideas or feelings from one to the next, he just happened to get caught in the crossfire 3 days in a row. I didn’t intend to abuse Cougar by making him a focus of three straight burns, and I do very much respect him as a man. But I don’t feel that I was out of line in what I said, and I don’t feel out of line for making people upset by this. I will make a concerted effort to keep Cougar’s name out of my mouth for a while, he has been burned plenty. But I do not apologize for anything I said and for those of you who can’t tell that I don’t mean personal abuse towards Cougar with what I wrote are idiots. I only wrote about things Cougar had put in print and never went after his personal life or information on his profile. I ONLY BURNED HIM ON THINGS HE WROTE. If you can’t live with that, then read someone else.

  • Finally this Anon was upset over multiple drug and sex references. Sorry buddy, if you can say it on TV you can say it here. I never condoned the use of drugs, or sex. Your children are bombarded by commercials and television programs that are centered around sex and bloody violence and you're worried about your kids reading my advice to college kids to put down their bongs and stop masturbating? Are we serious? No one under 16 has the attention span to read through my Burns because of the lack of pictures, yet you're worried about them learning about sex and drugs from me? You ARE A TOOL Anon, a straight facking tool. If you don’t like it talk to me… oh wait that’s right, you’re a scared little tool and can’t talk to me about it. Come on baby, I’m begging you to show your face, in private. Let’s handle your problems like men…. That’s right I forgot that you can’t handle your problems like a man. Do you still have your Mom call your boss to tell them you're sick?

You know, everyone walks around America these days with a stick up their ass and a finger up their nose. No one wants to roll up their sleeves and fight for what they believe is right. Well today is the day where I stand up for what I think is right, and that is writing as myself. I refuse to change to appease the Politically Correct and the Social Police. I refuse to be a coward and twist in the wind so those who want to rule through fear may. For the 2 big complaints I got from my last “Burns” I got 10 users telling me that they were glad someone is willing to take on the critics and continue to be a human. I will continue to be a human writer. You can’t change me, you can’t stop me, and you can’t kill me… well you can do that last one, but if you can’t do the first 2, how do you expect to complete the third?

She’s A Bad Boy Killer So You’re Facked For Life

Jamele Hill, the mildly attractive writer for ESPN’s page 2 and… okay wait, she’s better then mildly attractive. If I was at a party and Jamele was giving me eyes from across the room, I’d hook up with her. She’s not Pam Oliver but she’s definitely not Dorris Burke. Anyway, she’s known for dropping Tupac and Snoop Dogg references into her articles. However, I think she should be recognized for being the writer who is willing to find racism in situations where there are no racial intentions. Most recently she spearheaded the opinion that the latest Vogue Magazine cover featuring LeBron James and Giselle Bunson depicted Lebron as King Kong and Giselle as his Fey Ray.

I found the connection to King Kong a pretty long shot to start but she goes on to use it as her driving point for the cover being racial motivated and being chosen to further the stereotype of the Black Male as a beast and no more then an athlete. There is where I drew the line between confused writer and absurd race monger. Could Vogue have picked a classier pose for Giselle and Lebron? Of course, but they aren’t in the business of classy, they are in the business of magazine sales. An intense Lebron catches the human eye and Giselle in a green gown catches the female consumer eye, it makes too much sense. In Jamele’s eyes though the cover wasn’t picked because it would catch the most attention and sale the most magazines; it was chosen to continue racial stereotypes. When asked, Lebron and Giselle both approved of the cover and said they liked it. It seems to me the only people who disapproved are blacks 30-50 who still call Rev. Sharpton a “Leader of the Black Community” and look for race in society because they still hold onto race in society.

(Note: I am curious as to what the community thinks on the Vogue cover, and their reactions to it, and to writers like myself and Jamele who are of differing opinions on the topic.)

  • What Up Big Pup - here is your love!

Entourage Quotes VERY EXPLICIT

  • Ari Gold : Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker!
  • Johnny Drama : If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take in the ass for an Oscar.
  • Turtle : You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
  • Ari Gold : Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?

[ Ari storms into the room ]

Ari Gold : James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?

Surprised Kid : That's great! That's awesome!

Ari Gold : That's "awesome," huh? You didn't think to bring it up in the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking sticky-something?

Surprised Kid : I... I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.

Ari Gold : Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?

Surprised Kid : I didn't... I didn't think...

Ari Gold : Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything, you know why? Cause you pick up all your stuff, because you're mother-fucking fired! [ Ari storms out ]

CAA Assistant : What happened?

Surprised Kid : I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!

Mr. Burns – AGM Burns Mascot