ArmchairGM Wiki

See the first edition of Dear Megara with a letter from Brett Favre here.

The second letter comes from Alex in New York City...

Dear Megara,

My life was, and by most accounts still is, fantastic. I play baseball at an All-Star level in one of the greatest cities in the world, make more money than most people will ever dream of, have millions of women lusting after me, say all the right things, and my team is contending in the best division in baseball.

But recently, my personal life has taken a very wide turn for the worse. My ex-wife, Cynthia, has filed for divorce, citing "extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct." Cynthia's friends say it was my relationship with Madonna that was the final straw for her. We just had our second daughter together, Ella Alexander (yes, I gave both of my daughters the middle name Alexander to honor myself). Cynthia is asking for custody of the girls and our home near Miami. There were stories about her jetting off to Paris and hooking up with Lenny Kravitz.

I really don't know how to approach this. Yes, Madonna and I have the same agent, and she took her kids to a Yankee game recently, but there's really nothing wrong with our friendship. Madge is an incredibly strong, spiritual and determined woman that I admire immensely. Cynthia's own attorney calls our relationship "an affair of the heart," so it's not like I had physically cheated on her. Add all of this to the fact that Madge has been having rumored marital trouble with her own husband, and it just makes me look like a cheating pig.

Is there any way I can come out of this not looking like an awful husband? What should my next step be?

Sincerely, Alex

Dear Alex,

As a Red Sox fan, I must say that I am secretly enjoying every minute of your downfall. But at a deeper level, I understand you are going through a difficult time personally, and I will try to give you some guidance (no Kaballah necessary). Lucky for you, the only things I hate more than the New York Yankees are women who marry or divorce a professional athlete to become famous.

It seems as though your only option at this point is to win the PR war with your ex-wife, as there is probably no situation where she would take you back. The first thing I would like to point out is that you were married for five years to this woman, and there were previous instances where you were spotted with other women, but you were both able to work through those instances. At this point, there have been no public instances of you and Madonna together, she is still with her husband, and she has issued a statement denying any romantic involvement with you. Cynthia's filing for a divorce at this time seems, to me, like a ploy to get her name in the headlines (she's done this before).

The second thing I would like to point out is that Cynthia is asking for full custody of both of your girls and your mansion in Coral Gables, FL. You signed a pre-nuptial agreement when you married in 2002, but the thought is, because you signed a new contract while you were married, the living situation drastically changed, and Cynthia could try and throw the pre-nup out the window. Basically, while you may suffer financially and personally, Cynthia will look like a money-grabbing, gold-digging wench looking for her fifteen minutes (why do I smell a reality show? Oh yeah, Denise Richards already has the same one...). I understand that she wants to protect your children, but the divorce papers (which do not mention Madonna) make her out to be shallow and weak.

Thirdly, you are still an excellent baseball player, and you have exhibited that you will not let personal matters affect your play. This is you greatest asset. You have continually put your focus towards playing baseball, and not giving any reason to suggest that you are anything but a dedicated, talented and respectful baseball player. Continue to focus on contending in the AL East, and let the proceedings fall where they may. If the Yankees make the playoffs under your lead, you could come out as the hero Yankee fans have always wanted you to be. Imagine if they won a championship...And that's all you ever wanted in the first place, isn't it?

Some more to your teammate Derek Jeter, who managed to date Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minnilo and Jessica Biel without so much as a peep from the New York papers. I'm sure he could help you both find another girlfriend and keep it a relative secret. And do not hang out with Madonna in public under any circumstances; this may be difficult, but it is a necessary step in helping to prove Cynthia as jealous, selfish and paranoid.

Hang in there.


P.S. Did you really have to go as far as to give your daughters your first name as a middle name? Couldn't you have gone with Alexandra instead?