Article:FatMan's Picks - Week 17

The last week of the year and the only remaining question is:

Can the FatMan have yet another week in a row of 10+ wins vs. the spread? This is the spread we are talking about - not just straight up!! He has been over .500 11 weeks in a row and will be going for double-digits in 9 out of the last 12 weeks on the final weekend of the season. I'm not bragging, but even the experts aren't hitting at that rate. Let's do some math:

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- After week 4, the FatMan was .333 on picks against the spread. He is now at .566. That is a clip of over 68% on games against the spread in the past 12 weeks!! Even Jimmy the Greek couldn't do that and it had nothing to do with lacking an extra muscle in his leg. I'm hotter than Gisele right now. I'm more concerned that Tom Brady may try to anally penetrate me than anything else! This last week will be a tough one to predict because teams are packing it in and others will be resting key players. Personally, I'm waiting by my phone hoping that the Giants call to give me the starting nod at WR or RB. I might suck, but I'll suck a whole lot worse than getting an injury in a meaningless game. And so I can have time to sit by the phone, let's not waste anymore time. Let's go to the Sheet!!!

WEEK 17:

New England at Giants (+14.5) - The NFL is trying to screw the Giants again. While I'm not hearing them talk about the Steelers, Cowboys or Colts having to play their starters in games that have actual playoff implications, the league is strongly suggesting that the G-Men play their starters for the entire game and is threatening them with possible penalties if they don't. Now I know the penalties will never happen, but what the fuck?? This game has absolutely zero meaning for the team. If the giants put any injured people on that field and if any come off the field injured who are higher than the 3rd string, somebody should get bitch-slapped. Fifteen other teams had the chance to beat NE and failed. I have no qualms about being #16 and instead focusing on Tampa Bay. PATS 35-17.

St. Louis at Arizona (-6) - The Cards are a team that has the talent to win consistently, but doesn't. and yet, nobody seems to fault them. Instead they get the old golf clap and the comment "Nice try". Why?? They are who we thought they were - a bunch of underachieving slackers in the desert. CARDS 24-20 (Rams cover)

Seattle at Atlanta (-3) - Obviously the Gambinos think that with Seattle resting their players, the Falcons will win. Maybe Guiseppe should look and see Chris Redman suited up. Christmas might be over, but I think Seattle will be getting some gifts handed to them this week. SEAHAWKS 24-17.

Carolina at Tampa Bay (+3) - For some reason, the Panthers are fired up for this one. Figures. They saved their energy all year to give their best when it doesn't count. Great work, John Fox. PANTHERS 24-13.

Cincinnati at Miami (+3) - Nothing surprises me about the Bungles anymore. They beat the tar out of a must-win Brown team just a couple weeks after getting pasted by San Fran. Will somebody fire Marvin Lewis already?? The team is a bunch of preening, overpaid gasbags. BENGALS 27-17.

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San Francisco at Cleveland (-11) - The Browns couldn't close out the afore-mentioned Bengals last week. Can they do it to the Niners? I'm on the fence about this one. The niners have finally strung together a few wins and last year they won on the final week of the year IN DENVER which derailed the Rat faced jackass Shanahan's playoff hopes, but can they do it again? Nope. But it will be close. BROWNS 24-20 (Niners cover)

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Detroit at Green Bay (-3) - That Jon Kitna is quite a fortune teller. Didn't he say that the Lions would have at least 10 wins and make the playoffs?? Note to self, don't let this old fucker saw me in half. Which WR do they draft in 2008? PACKERS 27-20.

Jacksonville at Houston (-6.5) - The Texans are still giving it the old college try. Another golf clap. They will be the latest team to finish on a high note and have "momentum going into 2008" or whatever the fuck that means. Remember after last year, the Giants were supposedly so devastated from their "collapse" that they'd finish in last this year. How'd that work out? TEXANS 24-13.

Minnesota at Denver (+3) - Denver can't stop the run which might be a huge issue vs. the Vikings - it is the only good thing they can do. But I'm calling for a surprise here that the Vikings are going to choke on being a one-dimensional team. Hey, weren't they locks for the playoffs 2 weeks ago? Anyone going to document their monumental collapse? Do I sound bitter? You damn well better believe I am. I want every half-assed team called on the carpet like the Giants have been. By the way, in their last four games, the Giants are 3-1 and yet some mushmouths are saying they are collapsing? Want a collapse? Look to the North. BRONCOS 25-17.

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New Orleans at Chicago (+2) - Another NFC contender for the playoffs steps onto a stage and promptly falls off like a drunken rocker. The genius Sean Payton is suddenly not so great when his parts are hurt. But that won't stop him from running reverses at the goal line and fumbling. Somebody got their hands on Madden '08 a little early this year!! BEARS 21-13.

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Kansas City at Jets (-6) - If there was ever a chance to just rid the league of meaningless games in Week 17, this might be it. If this game never took place, we'd all be a little better off, including Herman Edwards. JETS 24-10.

Buffalo at Philadelphia (-7) - The Eagles are still fighting and with a win, would give the NFC East all teams with records at .500 or better. The Bills fought admirably this year and Dick Jauron has done a great job, but they will tank hard in the face of a bunch of degenerates getting their last chance to throw feces until September. EAGLES 31-13.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (+3.5) - This game doesn't mean anything to either team, but the Ravens irk the Steelers so much, that the Gold and Black might just throw a shoe up Billick's ass for good measure. Paybacks for being a smarmy dick are always given with such gusto! STEELERS 28-3.

San Diego at Oakland (+8) - The Raiders have put almost their entire team on IR. Meanwhile the chargers are still heckling Jay Cutler. What a classy bunch of men. Philip Rivers should just be happy he's in the league, let alone able to mock a much better QB on the other side. Man, I really do sound like a crotchety old man!! CHARGERS 31-6.

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Tennessee at Indy (+6.5) - The Titans win and they are in. I don't see Indy standing in their way. But can the titans really win by 7 points?? They barely beat the Jets last week. Vince Young will do his best to keep the Colts close and all we will hear about is "How he wins games". And to think ESPN once revolutionized sports! TITANS 21-17 (Colts cover)

Dallas at Washington (-9.5) - No Romo might mean no Jessica Simpson. So instead, we get to look at sexy Joe Gibbs! Let's see how long after the final whistle that people start calling him a genius again. Hey genius, can you call two timeouts in a row?? REDSKINS 24-20 (Cowboys cover)

BEST BETS:

BENGALS

PACKERS

EAGLES

Last Week:

Straight Up:    11-5

Against Spread:    10-6

Best Bets 2-1

Year to Date:

Straight Up:    159-81 (.663)

Against Spread:    129-99-12 (.566)

Best Bets:    26-20-2 (.565) (+$430 )

Up $430 for the year is not too shabby at all. I know there are some people that say picking NFL games is a losing proposition, and that is where a good prognosticator comes in. With a profit locked in for 2007, it will now mark the 13th time in 15 years that I'll have turned a profit, and the largest losing season was -$220. In the past 15 years, the total profit going into this week is at $10,640. It sure isn't gold, but making that off of three $100 bets a week is pretty darn impressive. Imagine if the stakes were higher?? Why imagine - just go to your local bookie and put the cash down. Consider yourself one of the few. The Proud. The FatMan subscribers.

And to answer your question in advance -  yes, I'm on the rag this week. If I hear another person single out the Giants and tom Coughlin as being the only team in Week 17 history to "lay down" or be the first team to back into the playoffs going 3-1 in their last 4 games, I'm going to cut off Jason Whitlock's food supply and curb Mark Schlereth's roid rage. shut the hell up people!! Speaking of food supplies:

 When you Want the Skinny on Picking, Turn to The FatMan