Article:All the Things I was Wrong About in 2009 (Sports Edition) by Manny Stiles


 * "One man's reason is another man's excuse"

People who never predict anything are always most accurate with hindsight
The world is flat. Television is a fad. Osama bin Laden is still alive. Global warming has nothing to do with volcanoes under the ocean. The Tooth Fairy doesn't steal your boogies while you sleep. OK, sometimes I am wrong.

Hey, it's not like this concept is without some annualized precedent.

I'm a firm believer that only the foolest of the fools would dare to not admit when they have been wrong... When you change your mind, it lends you the opportunity to stop being such a tremendous fool and you become a fool to a slightly lesser degree!

...so let's put this crappy year to a close!

2009, good riddance! The 'Chair isn't dead or forgotten but may you rest in the dusty annals of time as a lesson to be quickly forgotten!
 * "Show me a man who runs his mouth constantly at a bar and I'll show you a guy I can punch and it will make people like me"

The Big, Bad, Ugly with Scabs and Grotesque Attachments of Un-named Varieties
First off, I had bitten off more than I could chew with my ridiculously long "Baseball Buffet" (Parts One and Two) - pun absolutely intended.

Why am I admitting I was wrong despite the fact that I NAILED the Milwaukee Brewers final record of 80-82 and the correct placement of the ENTIRE AL West's final placings? Thank you, thank you...

Because... seriously... Food? FOOD? What was I thinking? I love food but it was too "out there" for the average, barely-able-to-operate-a-microwave schmuck perusing the internet to digest. (Eph you, I'm punning it up like a Banshee tonight whether you like it or not)

Who cares that I picked the Mets to win the World Series over the Rays?

Who cares if Albert Pujols didn't win the Triple Crown like I said he would or that Roy Halladay and Johan Santana didn't win Cy Young awards and Max Scherzer and Elvis Andrus weren't ROYs? I picked 11 - count 'em ELEVEN - team's final records within 5 games of their actual finish (while conveniently side-noting here in parentheses I was 10 or more games off on 11 other teams).

It was a hell of a task to predict an entire season and I'm proud that I did get a few things right... Sorry, Bob Melvin.

Hey, if the stupid Tigers would have won game 163 I would have picked all of the 8 playoff teams correctly Yankees, Angels, Rockies, Cardinals, and Dodgers (WHAT? I PICKED THE CUBS as the Wild Card??? When did I take that good of drugs?), all made it like I said - that is, except for the two teams I had going to the World Series... Ooops.

Maybe I was just one year AHEAD of schedule.... like THAT has ever happened before, right????

All in All, it was a bad concept with the food idea - especially when I could have done 20,000-odd words on a hundred or so more interesting topics. Plus, it was done poorly for the simple fact that it did not sufficiently jinx the Boston Red Sox (but it MUST be comforting to Sawx fans to know that the Rays AND Yankees have both won the Division and been to the World Series since way, way, way back when they were World Champions and the Patriots were still 18-0... yup, I went there again.)

I'm not just a run on sentence machine I also play a fake doctor on TV.
 * "There's wrong and then there's no way it could be more wrong"

If you get the idea that most people have an original sense of humor, you might want to guess again.
Unless you're ready to get your junk handed to you on a yaaaaaawn...
 * "The difference between you and me is quite simple. You're an idiot."

There are dreams and then there are deee-luuuu-sions...
But I can keep hoping, right?
 * "Pigs might fly out of the butts of the monkeys that are flying out of your butt."

I thought I was going to be wrong but I was right, so that made me wrong
Holy Fack, Batman... He stayed out of the spotlight... kind of... sort of... for a little while... Wait... he was gonna... he didn't... Phew. that was close. What??? Really?? oh, fack!!!
 * "Why must you always repeat yourself? Why must you always repeat yourself?"

There are some stories I just can't keep myself from telling
If you saw Elijah Dukes naked, you'd know what I mean.

It's wrong in a "Dude, you're not right" kind of way... but that isn't going to change me, so... thanks.
 * "You might not be right but you're not wrong. You just suck."

The Close but NO Cigar but Really Not That Close
This one hurt - but only because I KNEW I messed it up with "wanting" and "wishing" and ignored the fact that the number one rule of Sports Augury is READ THE CARDS!!!
 * "He said he was gonna be alright. Does he LOOK alright to you?"

Why let facts get in the way of a slanted opinion?
Sometimes it's ok to listen to Kelsdad... he really knows what he's talking about (when he quotes his better sources, that is...)

Ha ha!
 * "Every time you get a good idea, you screw it up by getting another idea."

Doing what you're good at gets boring. Even if it literary defecation.
Maybe one day I'll do a better job of trying to revive the Sportsune Cookie (Sorry, DAndrew/Apostrophe/Falcon)... or just keep making bastardized versions of it randomly and sporadically until I wither and decrepidate. Yes, I said decrepidate.

I was wrong for not doing more of these...

Here's Seven Words or Less: Everyone else was right except for me!!!

I miss Guy but not the B.S. that seemed to explode when he visited the 'chair.
 * "Sometimes I wonder about you. Other times I know better."

Dropping the Ball - Dave Kreig Style
No link here because this "wrong" never happened.

I had a wonderful phone conversation way back in September? with The oldest man and recorded it so I could write an article about our musings and general blatherings about sports, most notably baseball past and present. It was an hour and a half and I simply never got around to transcribing it.

Sometimes life gets in the way - which it did.

Sometimes laziness is a hell of a burden - it can be when faced with 90+minutes of material and you have a penchant for writing a few too many thousands of words per article in the first place.

Sometimes I just eph up and my inner Dave Kreig breaks from the life huddle...

Maybe I'll get around to it and maybe one day I won't be relegated to using dial-up anymore... (reliable internet connections are a bitch up here in Middle Jiblip, Michigan)

Needless to say, if you want to talk some QUALITY baseball with a 90-something sports nut that is still sharper than a tack on fire, I dare you to message him and see if you can hang on.
 * "Meanwhile, I thought this would give you something to talk about"

Wrong
It's still funny to me... and the scar makes me look tough.
 * "How do you not have a better nickname"

He hasn't ruined his legacy yet... but every day is one day closer.
I seriously hope this is not my last Bret Favre article... (Who am I kidding?)
 * "Ummm, whoops!"

I mean... "Whoops Again!"
I guess you couldn't have expected less from the guy who brought you the Armchair Prediction League, To Be Named Later, and Dr. Commento's FAHQ.
 * "Say it ain't so, Gutcheck!"

Iz S to the, to, to the O; Oh No! can ya feel it? Like my flow-to the ceiling
Sometimes it's more interesting to read it when you aren't determined to judge the content based on your meaningless preconceptions... or is it?
 * "Sometimes, wellllll more like ALWAYS, it's just fun messing with people. They don't get the joke because they ARE the joke."

Yes, yes it is fun.
Very much so.
 * "I ALWAYS do what I think is right."

I don't always go about it the right way, but...
I do what I think is right. You know... like getting Tyrone Briggs back.

Call AGM whatever you want these days but OMG do I like it more this way!!! It's clean, fresh and still exactly what it always was - freeking awesome! So what if we tossed a few crying babies out with the turds in the bathwater? We can always steal more babies!!! Woo!

-

Long Live the 'Chair!!!
Cheers to 2010!

All Sports, All of Us!!!
Cheers to YOU!!!

--

I can't wait to be wrong again next year!

Peace and good tidings to you and yours. Have a wonderful New Year and remember - if you can't be good, at least be safe!


 * --E--