Article:20080605 Manny Stiles' Sportsune Cookie

Intro:

Welcome to Manny Stiles ' Daily Column:

"Sportune Cookie" - where the yummy, gooey part is supposed to be, you get this crap



When you open your eyes, the nightmare begins
Well, the Stanley Cup Finals were ok, but they're over and there's no escape!!!

So you think you can dance???

Deadliest Catch re-runs?

Friends on DVD???

The Weather Channel???!??

So you want to be a calligrapher????

There are NO VIABLE OPTIONS. No ESCAPE. NOWHERE TO HIDE!!!

I guess I'm gonna have to watch this NBA Finals the network is attempting to cram down my throat.

Look, TV Execs. I was alive in the 80's. THESE are NOT the same Lakers and Celtics. Schmucks. Stop living in the past. Magic Johnson and Larry Bird were each better than all ten starters in this series COMBINED! In fact, the most excited I will get about this series is when Magic and Larry are on the mic talking. The fact that these two teams are playing each other should be celebrated by the guys that PLAYED the games, and we should celebrate them, not this hocus-pocus 'Dream of Stern' matchup.

If Pau Gasol gets hurt and Kobe comes out game 7 and starts at center then gets a triple double, nudge me.

Like I said before; if the Lakers - Celtics rivalry is SO GREAT, then why must you remind us so heavily? No one needs to be told that Red Sox and Yankees have a rivalry. It's apparent. Most rivalries speak for themselves. They don't have to bank on history to get the hype up.

Anyway, Sports Augury says it's the Celtics in 5 1/2 games, I'm going with it!

The play at point guard is gonna be a weakness on both sides of the ball. And I'm sorry, but as "great" as Kobe Bryant is, he's more Fran Tarkenton than Joe Montana (sorry 'bout that Fran, nothing personal but you know what I mean).

Things I AM rooting for:
 * That people realize how very damned good Pau Gasol is and why HE is the real MVP of this team.
 * That Lamar Odom can show some aggression.
 * That Ray Allen still has it in him to be a disgustingly accurate shooter that can win a game or two by himself. Jesus will be the answer.
 * That people finally realize Paul Pierce is way more of a gym rat/student of the game/dedicated to basketball than he is "talented". No knock on PP, but he gets credit for ability when it is more often his hard work and determination that makes plays for him. He's not the most gifted athlete.
 * Kevin Garnett gets sweet, sweet redemption. (It really WAS Flip Saunders' fault!)
 * That Doc Rivers doesn't coach away the series. Most of the matchups are fairly even, or at least debatable. Except at Coach: Phil is gonna toy with Doc.
 * That Boston fans learn some class and SAVOR this time instead of ramming it down everyone's throats. Remember C's fans - if your team DOESN'T win the Finals, then they are a supreme bust of the 2004 Lakers order. You made all these moves for this... enjoy it if it pans out the way it was supposed to, don't gloat (That was a waste of a sentence, eh? Well, I can hope)

Hmmm...
Maybe if I would have taken up rugby as a kid, I could squashing the AGM LB instead of pretending to be afraid of him. I guess I was too protective of my teeth and bones as a kid. (Go ahead and call me a "pussy" now)

(Just kidding DW, I am a little afraid!)

Pre-emptive Maneuvers
Bolt with Butterfly wings.

Big Brown rhymes with Let Down... (but I just wanna get this elusive Triple Crown out of the way so I can go back to ENJOYING horse racing without the cling-on advocates.) Big Brown also rhymes with Triple Crown. I guess I just wrote the tagline either way...

I don't think Tiger will win every event this year like we thought in January.

Who is the next big star to go down with a nagging injury?? Baseball DLs are getting roughed up this season.

Media Rant
Big Media - if you weren't so crappy, there wouldn't be so many crappy bloggers trying to copy you and yet, still outdo you.

Worse yet, is the imitators of your wares who THINK they can do it better, yet do it the same.

Like the guy who quotes a writer that quotes other writers than bitches about the writer for not getting their own quotes.

Shit rolls downhill but it always ends up at the same place...

WTMF Sports
Channel Manny Presents:

W.T.M.F. Sports with your host, Manny Stiles!

Brought to you by the fine providers of Genderexchange!

"If you woke up the wrong sex this morning, you know it's time for Genderexchange." Genderexchange, available at fine department stores everywhere!

Reporting on Thursday, June 5th... Manny Stiles:

MS - " but first, our top story today..."

NOT to be confused with CAnoodling season, which runs year 'round.

Ever wonder?
Will Bill Parcells eventually join us in the 21st century?

I like the guy (could have never played for him), but there's more legacy than results lately.

The Adventures of ManRays
Today's Ray of the Day is...

Tim Beckham.

Hello, Mr Beckham, the #1 choice of the 2008 MLB draft.

(Told ya so, KD!)

Go Rays!

10
1 - Alex Rodriguez 2 - Jimmie Foxx 3 - Hank Greenberg 4 - Ed Delahanty 5 - Honus Wagner 6 - Albert Pujols 7 - Hank Aaron 8 - Rogers Hornsby 9 - Frank Robinson 10 - Willie Mays

10b - (because someone is bound to bitch if I don't add this name to the list) Joe DiMaggio

A Picture is worth 1000 Slipped Mickeys
If you are a fan of whackjobs that play baseball, Mickey Hatcher is one of your guys... http://j-walkblog.com/old/images/hatcher.jpg

Dr. Commento Answers the Questions
ATQ - Yesterday's 10 was "autographs I had collected by 1990"

Tej8722 with two deep, ponderments

''Question 1: How much does Kruk weigh in that pic? Question 2: Has he ever weighed that little since?''

1) About a quarter of an ounce (it's a baseball card), and 2) If you think Kruk got fat, think about what "bitch tits" Pete Incaviglia must look like these days!

Strike a Prose
Troll, Troll

You mean to mean something But it comes out as nothing

You try to try something But your efforts are nothing

You wish you were something so you attach to something that is sucking and sucking and sucking trying to find substance in yourself sucking and sucking and sucking the talents and efforts of someone else but all you do is suck.

And you're not even good at it!

But. you are the Kings of Hypocrisy

Blame others for what you do so well. ''Yes, Yes, keep sucking. Suck away, troll.''