Eight Mascots that Need to Die

by user DNL

With our Ten NCAA Logos That Need to Go being so darn popular, we'd figure it's time for another, more morid crack at it: Eight mascots that need to die. Feel free to add your thoughts at the end.

Keggy the Keg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/Keggy.jpg

He's the mascot for Dartmouth College. Suggested method of death: Fill him up with vinegar. Add a big pouch of baking soda. Toss in about six thousand pins. Seal him tight. Sooner or later, the pins will puncture the pouch, leaking baking soda into the vinegar. Boom goes Keggy.

Lil' Red
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/98/Lil_red.jpg

Lil Red hails from the University of Nebraska. Suggested method of death: Cross the streams from your proton packs. Watch as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Cornhusker mascot melts.

The Stanford Tree
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8e/StanfordTree.jpg

Stanford, obviously. Suggested method of death: Three words: "Very Brady Christmas."

J.J. Jumper
http://www.titans.uwosh.edu/images/JJJumper.jpg

He's the official mascot of NBA Basketball. Suggested method of death: Six days in a room with Carrot Top. And a lot of little tiny razor blades.

Big Red
http://www.topperfan.com/wku/pictures/bigred/bigreda.jpg

Meet the Western Kentucky University Hilltopper. Suggested method of death: Solomonic divorce proceeding between his natural parents -- the Kool-Aid Man and Grimace.

Billy Buffalo
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/60/BillyBuffalo.jpg

Mascot of the Buffalo Bills. Suggested method of death: I actually don't have a good one, but man, what the hell are the Bills thinking? Did someone swallow a bucket of neon fuzz?

Gapper
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d7/Gapper_photo2.jpg

He's the Cincinnati Reds other mascot -- the one that doesn't look like Mr. Met. Suggested method of death: Actually... maybe he and Billy Buffalo need to have a fuzzball deathmatch.

Screech
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7f/Screech2.jpg

He's the bald eagle (except that he ain't bald) who supports the Washington Nationals. And he looks like he's pregnant. Suggested method of death: Dick Cheney. Hunting Trip. Need we say more?

Date
Mon 04/17/06, 2:22 pm EST