Article:20080620 Manny Stiles' Sportsune Cookie

Intro:

Welcome to Manny Stiles ' Daily Weekday Column:

"Sportsune Cookie" – Deadline? I don't need no stinkin' deadline!



I'd be hungover if not for one small thing... I'm still drunk
Wow. Either I'm getting older and less capable of drinking myself deaf or my hearing is VERY hummingly humming today.

Oops.

I'm ok, but sometimes when you swim in the pool of happy drunkeness, you forget how deep it is and how quickly you might drown!

An no matter how many times you say "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear" it's impossible to abide by when you run out of beer and have a bunch of liquor.... Duhhhhhh....

Welcome to the smelly, disheveled, unshaven wrinkle shirted remnants of the 'Cookie... hey, maybe it's in everyone's best interest if I use less words anyway!

How sweep it is!
Hey Cubs fans and otherwise generally delusional Chicagoan sports fans.... click on another page while the getting away from the wrath is good!

HA HA HA HAA!!! Chicago, here's a telegram for you:

You Suck (stop)

signed, Reality (stop)

Yup, that's it. And you thought Morse code was dead!

See in 1908, when your "team" was last on top of the mountain (or at least the one not made of dung), they still used Morse code. And abacuses. And there was no internet. You know that place where you all commiserate and pretend that you're tough and/or cool and fabricate words to support your hallucinations that the Cubs really could do something in the postseason...

Stop eating packets of gravy you find in parking lots.

Here's a news flash: EVEN IF there was no Bartman, and no error following, excuses, etc. EVEN IF you could have possibly beat the Marlins, you STILL would have lost the World Series. The Yankees would have beaten you and we'd have nothing to remind the Yankees fans how much THEY suck!!!

So STOP IT. You're delusional fools. Reality knows better than your wishful dreams.

And I'm pretty sure that when they call you "second city", it's more like second to last city (see: NASFL Playoff Ratios)

Let me clear my gloat!
The Rays have swept the Angels, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Orioles and Cubs at home this season. The also took 3 of 4 against the lowly White Sox last month. Home is good, good indeed. Note that three of those teams were in first place in their divisions when they were swept.

While a severe majority of the world is still slobbering over the Red Sox, the mighty Sox are indeed sweating. Their schedule has been more favorable so far this year and as the season wears on there are signs that one team is getting "those breaks" that echo a "special season" and one team is still stuck on reliving getting their asses kicked in the "brawl"...

The Rays are having the kind of season where they can move their rookie, AL best fielding third baseman to shortstop and not miss a beat. In fact, I think when Longoria is at short means the Rays have the best SS in the AL!

James Shields is always going to take second rate status when compared to Scott Kazmir, but they are the best 1-2 in the game right now in my opinion.... Who YOU got?

And it's not just the fact that I'm a fan or that I'm happy they are winning, I saw this coming, I told you it was coming and it's not even done coming yet!!! (That sounds so disgusting, you perv)

The Rays are stacked, the vital cogs of the team are all locked up, suddenly St. Petersburg is looking like a nice free agent destination and the ownership is committed to winning (and paying the price).

The only thing that worries me is that eventually, Stu Sternberg is going to sell the team (it's how he made his money, buying crappy companies, rebranding them, revitalizing them and selling for a tremndous profit) and he's going to buy the Yankees after Hank runs them into the ground and remembers he never wanted in the baseball game in the first place.

Sternberg is after all at heart, a diehard Yankees fan...

Pre-emptive Maneuvers
Cubs - White Sox World Series - Don't do drugs, ok? Or if you think it REALLY, REALLY might happen, do BETTER drugs!!!

NHL vs. MSG - THIS oughta be fun!

Staten Island Switch Pitcher - Back in 1988 when Greg Harris was still playing, I practiced pitching lefty (I'm a righty) but never got to use it in a game. I did however have a glove that I modified so it was reversible. I actually started throwing lefty when I was about 8 because a friend/wiffleball addict decided it would be fun to play "opposite wiffleball". We got so good at playing lefty, I can't even bat righty anymore for shit!

Ironically, my friend - who was on his way to a pro bowling career - suffered an accident that severed tendons in his right wrist and left him unable to use his right hand. He then went on to bowling lefty and is one of 8 people in the world to throw multiple 300 games ambidextrously (he already had four righthanded 300 games before the accident and last I heard had seven lefty)

'''Ahhh! My Bronx is Burning''' - It sounds funnier when you nickname your junk "the Bronx" - But the Yankees are warming up and you know what? Yaaaawn. They'll make their annual "big move" of course... It won't be enough. And some "star player" will help Joe Girardi get fired first hand before September, as expected.

The Yanks are a mess and half just waiting to become apparent. Cashman is halfway out the door, and Hank will attempt to put his stamp all over the franchise. Hello, Willie Randolph!!!

Olympic Basketball - Amare's out, Superman's in... like burning a gourmet burger on the grill and replacing it with McDonald's.

Juan Carlos Navarro - WOW! I don't think anyone really tried that before. You must have some sort of "priorities" that are more important than money! maybe...

That's a bunch of Bulls - if the crappiest franchise in basketball (da Bulls) DON'T take Derrick Rose over Michael Beasley, they are idiots. It allows them to get out of the evil grip of Gordon (not Jordan) and the Heinrich maneuver. Both would be better off moved for players that can complement the true face of the franchise - Joakim Noah (ha ha ha, man Chicago sucks!)

Number Ones - It always irks me when people use the multiple of One in speaking... "I want one of those ones"... ugh.

But this time, I'm talking about a compilation of Number One draft picks. Where will Rose (or Beasley) stack up among the all-time list of #1 draft picks?

The NBA draft is on the thin side this year, no doubt. (OJ Mayo at #3????)

Running doesn't run in the family - Prince Fielder - two career Inside the Park HR. Cecil Fielder - 2 career stolen bases (but 7 career triples!!!)

Where will Ichiro go??? - the Mariners are going to try to separate themselves with the past and present and do a total overhaul. Ichiro is moving somewhere... He's not over-the-hill enough to join the Yankees.

To the casual fans of 'the Great Game'' - it's called a "season" there are stretches of good and stretches of bad in every one of them. Pipe down. If you win 50 home games and go .500 on the road, you're a 90 win team...

Post-emptive maneuvers
Follow health like you follow sports - that commercial might be the first time that Woody Paige ever said anything that made sense.

Seattle Mariners - how many people were wrong about the Mariners this year? Not me... and I was looking like a genius about the Tigers until recently...

Media Rant
I want Tom Arnold back on Best Damned.

Ever wonder?
Is Dontrelle Willis REALLY the best spokesman for RBI baseball? Because he might be back playing it again real soon!

WTMF Sports
Channel Manny Presents:

W.T.M.F. Sports with your host, Manny Stiles!

Brought to you by a splitting headache and the power of "better late than never"

"Owwwwww!"

Reporting on Friday, June 20th... Manny Stiles:

MS - It seems I missed the event in Tempe (again), I guess it's time to go visit my old stomping grounds and get my HDB on!

The Adventures of ManRays
Today's "Ray of the Day" is...

Carl Crawford

Man, he was just SALIVATING at killing whatever pitch dude offered him. That swing was PURE, UNADULTERATED "I'm going yard". And he did.

Nice Granny, C.C.! I absolutely LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!!!

Maybe he should get suspended more often?

Next up - Ty Wigginton and his "scary" Houston Astros...

THANK YOU, Mr. Schedulemaker!!

'''Go Rays!

10
1 – Justin Morneau 2 - Wayne Gretzky 3 - Muhammad Ali 4 - Shaquille O'Neal 5 - Danica Patrick 6 - Randy Johnson 7 - Carl Crawford 8 - Mike Tyson 9 - Billy "Superstar" Graham 10 – Tom Lehman

Bonus hint - Ted Williams

A Picture is worth 1000 Jeri curls
There was only one Juan Samuel!

After and (somehow) before there was Julio Franco, Juan Samuel did it better!

He got double digits across the boards (2B, 3B, HR, SB) in 4 consecutive seasons. Of course, he was the first MLB player to do such a feat in his first four years in the Bigs. 1987 was BY far his best season and he was freek of baseball nature and he even made dent in MVP voting despite being on one of the least watchable teams in baseball history! He was 2 HR from joining the 30-30 club!

Juan Samuel's claim to fame will always be his runner up to Dwight Gooden in the ROY voting in 1984, as Juan garnered the support that kept it one vote from being unanimous!

Oh, wait... his TRUE claim to fame (at least in Philly) was for being the guy who was traded for Lenny Dykstra and Roger McDowell, thus establishing the new team identity that brought the 1993 Phillies into being!

http://www.baseball-reference.com/bpv/images/8/85/Samueljuan.jpg

Dr. Commento Answers the Questions
ATQ – Yesterday's 10 was athletes born under the sign of Aquarius.

Yes, I will someday reissue the Zodiac Challenge in a better format - perhaps one WITHOUT Aquarians as a participant?

Anonymous Fanatic said: "Gawd. A Jim J Bullock reference."

It's not the first time I busted out the Bullock stick. However, I only recognize him as Jm J, not Jim J... Believe it or not, he's still getting regular work - on Nickelodeon (I have kids) as a teacher on "Ned's Declassified..."

Why am I so fascinated with Jm J? It's not Too Close for Comfort, but for how eerily similar (looking and acting) he is to my brother (The gay one, of course).

Strike a Prose
When will pop culture finally pop? Can we go back to where the renaissance stopped? Can we raise the lowest denominator? Can entertainment be achieved again by actual entertainers? Do we have to accept it all ''just because it's there?  Do we have to acknowledge'' ''every piece of crap like we care?  Do we have to look just because '' it makes noise  ot it's shiny and sparkly and  ''drenched in sub-cultural ploys?  Just because it wears a bikini '' do we HAVE to think it's sexy? I miss the old thing, especially  ''When it's easier to miss the next new thing! ''

Where does judgment lie ''and where does it ever stop lying?  When do we get sick of people '' Who try to keep trying  to sell us their wares and their ways  ''their dares and their daze?  The onslaught continues '' as does our descent into media hell  less than 1% of the population  force feeding us what they feel compelled to sell endless advertising, it MUST be a treat  I'm hungry for some substance  ''But there's no more meat... ''