Article:If the NFL was a 2009 High School

Hockey Drunk produced a very funny post last year called " If the NHL was a High School." I considered updating it for the 2009 season, but not that many have changed and instead, I'd like to turn my attention toward the NFL. If the NFL was a high school: Atlanta would be the kid whose older brother went to jail. Arizona would be the girl that you've known since kindergarten, but you never paid attention to until last year, when you realized how hot she'd gotten. Baltimore would be the kid that enjoyed beating you up and getting sent to the principal's office. Buffalo would be the kid who had his heartbroken four times in elementary school and hasn't gotten back in the social scene since. Carolina would be the bipolar kid you couldn't figure out. Chicago would be the desperate girl that always tried to get with a quarterback but never succeeds. Cincinnati would be the kid you thought could be cool, if only he didn't fart so much. Cleveland would be the kid you made fun of because he never showered. He moved away and you were happy because you didn't have to smell him anymore, but then he came back and smelled even worse than before. Dallas would be the rich kid that all the cheerleaders hung out with, but who most people thought was an overrated individual. Denver would be the kid that always did just enough work to make the Honor Roll. Detroit would be the kid everyone invited to their poker games because they knew he wouldn't win. Green Bay would be the kid that drives his new girlfriend crazy because all he talks about is his old girlfriend. Houston would be the kid that moved into town in middle school and even though he'd been around for a while, you still thought of him as the "New Guy." Indianapolis would be the kid that got all A's on his tests and quizzes, so everyone wanted to study with him and, as a result, he only got a B on his final exam. Jacksonville would be the kid that never misses a class but that you don't notice because he never talks. Kansas City would be the kid that stopped showing up at school a few years ago, but it's still exciting hanging out with him during the summer. Miami would be the kid that thinks differently and decides to convince everyone that cats are cool. People buy into this theory, even though they know that cats aren't cool at all. Minnesota would be the kid you didn't like to begin with, and then he started dating your ex-girlfriend. New England would be the starting quarterback. He doesn't talk a lot, but he walks around like he owns the place, and all his friends tell you how awesome he is; but if you're not his friend, you really just think he's a prick. New Orleans would be the kid you didn't know but felt really bad for because one of his parents died, but he got rich on the inheritance and everybody realized they liked him, so you felt good for him and wanted to be his friend. New York Giants would be the kid that does better than you in class, even though he clearly isn't smart. New York Jets would be the kid that studied a lot but still struggled to pass classes. Oakland would be the super-senior that talked really loudly so that people would think he was smart, even though everyone knew he was stupid and were just biding their time until he moved on. Philadelphia would be the kid that talks a big game even though he's never accomplished anything. Pittsburgh would be the kid who snapped his yellow towel on you in the shower, and his buddies thought it was funny, so they started doing it too. San Diego would be the kid that gets a Mercedes for Christmas but then crashes it on New Year's. San Francisco would be the boring kid you remembered only because his parents were so awesome. Seattle would be the kid that nobody visited because he lived in the middle of nowhere and you didn't know him anyway. St. Louis would be the kid that used to seem really smart but now can't seem to pass a class. Tampa Bay would be the kid you went on an exchange program with and would have rather left in London and forgot about. Tennessee would be the athletic kid that couldn't play sports, so he just ran all year. Washington would be the politically incorrect kid that nobody bothered to correct because they knew that there were issues behind-the-scenes.