Article:How do you solve a problem like J-Roll?

♪♪♪♪  How do you solve a problem like J-Roll?

He climbs the order and gets an ofer His uniform has got a tear He whiffs on his way to .207 And pitch selection ain't there And underneath his Oakleys He has bravado in his heart I even heard him singing in the dugout

He's always loathe to take But his lack of patience is unreal He's always loathe for walking Only 16 times this year I hate to have to say it But I very firmly feel J-Roll's not an asset to the Phillies

I'd like to say a word in his behalf J-Roll is a fan favorite!

How do you solve a problem like J-Roll? How do you stanch a proud man of renown? How do you find a word that means J-Roll? A fielding whiz! A baserunning threat! An MVP!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him Many a thing he ought to understand But how do you make him stay And listen to all you say How do you get Charlie on board?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like J-Roll? How do you hold a talented mofo in your hand?

When I'm watching him I'm confused Out of focus and contused And I never know exactly why he's there In the leadoff spot - despair! He's swinging like a tether He's a player! He's a leader! He's a fan fave!

He'd strikeout with some zest Drive a manager to his rest He could throw a whirling dervish out at first He is talented! He is wild! He's a riddle! He's a child! He's a headache! He's a problem! He leads off?!?

How do you solve a problem like J-Roll? How do you stanch a proud man of renown? How do you find a word that means J-Roll? A fielding whiz! A baserunning threat! An MVP!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him Many a thing he ought to understand But how do you make him stay And listen to all you say How do you get Charlie on board?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Charlie? Please, Charlie move Jimmy down in the order!

Sing it to the tune of the great Rodgers and Hammerstein song "Maria" from the great movie The Sound of Music.

I apologize heartily to Mssrs. Rodgers and Hammerstein for what I've done to their fine creation.