Article:Undeniable Proof to the Long Term Effect of Steroids

Former Major League infielder Fernando Vina, who admitted steriod use after his name surfaced in the Mitchell Report, last night proved, without a shadow of a doubt to the long term affect of steriods, to the mind as well as the body. Vina, now an analyst with ESPN, appeared as a panel member on the nightly Baseball Tonight show, alongside host Steve Berthiaume, Buster Olney, and fellow MLB alum Chris Singleton.

The topic of discussion in one segment was the amazing first week turned in by rookie Reds outfielder Jay Bruce. Bruce is a product of the 2005 amateur draft, which is quickly shaping into one of the best drafts in history, since its inception in 1965. Performing a Johnny Carson/ Carnac the Magnificent type skit, each of the three analysts would choose a player from the 2005 draft who in their opinion will have the best ML career.

In the first round of the 2005 draft, which contained 48 selections, (counting supplemental picks, awarded as compensation for losing a free agent), to date sixteen have appeared in the Major Leagues, including eight of the top ten. In draft order, they are, Justin Upton, Alex Gordon, Jeff Clement, Ryan Zimmerman, Ryan Braun, Troy Tulowitzki, Mike Pelfrey, and Cameron Maybin. (Bruce was selected 12th).

By random draw, Vina was given the first overall pick, he selected.....

Jacoby Ellsbury
!!!!

Not Upton. Not Braun. Not Bruce. He picked Jacoby fackin' Ellsbury.

Sorry, Fernando. Ellsbury won't even be the Red Sox best player from the first round. With the 42nd overall pick they selected some kid pitcher named Clay Buchholz. (The Sox had two other supplemental first rounders, Jed Lowrie and pitcher Michael Bowden.

As a slap hitting, speed dominated top of the order hitter, maybe the selection was Vina's way of giving props to the tool challenged player, but more likely, the pick was as the result of the steriod induced killing of millions upon millions of brain cells. Or, maybe, the only reason they hired Vina was so Buck Showalter would have someone to talk with in the break room. After a short, unscheduled break, likely  necessitated by the fact Singleton couldn't stop laughing, common sense prevailed, as Singleton selected Upton with the second pick, with Olney following with Braun. Olney then tried to top the Vina gaffe by calling Braun a "future Hall of Famer", but as a journalist, he gets paid to say stupid things, so his comment is understandable.

Do us all a favor, Fernando. Leave the comedy, intentional or not, to the others. And please see a doctor before it's too late.