Article:Breaking News! Patriots Suck! Patriots Fans Oblivious To The Fact They Are Reason Why.

"Booing 'your' team is like calling your girlfriend ugly."
^^^That was one of the first quotes I made when I arrived here at AGM in the summer of 2006. Though it has been slanted and taken out of context on occasion I still see it as a very true statement. "Your" team isn't a reflection of you. It isn't a choice that can be changed, altered or fit to size with any shirt, with or without a tie; like a common sport jacket. It's a part of your being. It is YOU!

Booing your team - the home team - in a playoff game is probably more like calling your girl "ugly" at your wedding rehearsal dinner.

Associations with "your" team, the "we" that is "us", the passion of unbending allegiance and "hard" part of 'Die Hard Fan' is not malleable... not wavering... not negotiable. It is hopeful, not degrading. It is realistic in consequence; not whiny and bratty like a three year old being told "No!"

...Unless You Are a Boston Sports Fan
-Who cares if your girlfriend really is ugly? Shut your ignorant spewhole and Love her. She's YOURS! You've stuck with her for at least 17 weeks already. You chose her!

-Who cares if your team was NEVER EVER EVER going to beat the Ravens - on your home field - in the playoffs in a hundred tries? They're YOURS! No matter the opponent, win OR lose; ESPECIALLY during a Playoff game.

-Who cares if the "Curse of Shrimpadamus" ensured your bogus "dynasty" was a fraudulent hoax of epic proportions? You were a fool for believing otherwise in the first place. Ask David Tyree!

-The point is... you 'wicked awesome' self-tea bagging, fake sports-fan human hat racks from New England got exactly what you deserved.

You booed your own team???
You're a bunch of whiny, bratty babies.

Your team was in jeopardy of losing it's first home playoff game since 1978 (in other words before MOST of you enema-residue garglers were self-aware or even born) and you booed them before halftime was even near???!!!??!

You weren't booing a lack of effort. You were booing a reality you couldn't accept.

You weren't booing factors that were unfair. You were booing a reality you couldn't accept.

You weren't booing underachievement, dispassion or a poorly designed gameplan. You were booing a reality you couldn't accept.

Your team sucks. They were manhandled, out-manned and over-matched. YOU suck worse for NOT recognizing the better team on the field and YOU suck even more for not being willing to accept reality. No excuse; just a conglomeration of whiny and bratty clueless bitches. So what if I think your sports astuteness is slightly below my ability to pretend to care about Vampire movies (I rate both far below 0.00 out of say... a billion)? So what if I think you're the sports-loving world's equivalent to a single sheet of toilet paper during a fit of the piles? So what if your dedication to your team is relative to the commitment of a finger during a bout of boogie dig 'n flick?

What the fack is BOOING your team going to do to HELP anything? Well, I'm sure it inspired and reassured the VISITING (and better) team even more!!! Of course, it also inspired the many talented whackjobs on the internet that gleefully delight in the misery of the fartbag Pats fans. Hells yeah.

Like ANY of the Patriots heard the booing and though "Gee, maybe we should try to not get our asses handed to us after all?" or "That's right! I should earn my paycheck instead of just dedicating most of my life to this defining moment of my short, risk-filled career."

Poor Tom Brady heard the boos and probably cried deep underneath those broken ribs - ribs that paled in comparison to the pain of his broken spirit. A broken spirit that knows the downside of the NFL career is ALWAYS much sharper than any meteoric rise... (side note: "meteoric rise" is such an oxymoron. It isn't a "meteor" until it falls... it's just a rock in space. And they can't rise without some sort of propulsion - a rock with a rocket. Back to the regularly scheduled though patterns)

Downtrodden Randy Moss heard the boos and probably didn't give a shit - more so.

Sadsack Bill Belichick probably went home and cut up some more hoodies while wondering how he taped the Ravens' Saturday walkthrough all wrong.

Ha Ha! Screw you jerks!
I repeat... Ha ha!

Maybe that will shake the glitter off your bandwagon and wake the rest of you "real" fans up a little.

Face reality! Your team ISN'T that good. They were never really THAT good to begin with but this year, the signs were there. The football gods don't like to crown champions with porous defenses. The Pats D was NOT championship caliber and you were smoking some tainted-brand imitation crack with your proverbial Flav-o-aid if you thought otherwise.

But you waited until NOW to Boo
Morons. What kind of turd boos a 10-6 team (a team lucky to finish 10-6 might I add) that loses a DIVISIONAL playoff game?

NOT a real sports fan, that's who. NOT a person who can fathom reality, that's for sure. NOW a person who feels good about them self or has a teeny-weeny shred of self-respect, that for damned sure!

Posers, fakes, wannabes. Chumps. All the things that makes the rest of us American sports fans think "Boston".

Sure, I'm happy. I'm always happy when the pathetic guy in the play gets what's coming to him. It's not schadenfreude, it's just "how it is supposed to be". I mean, I disliked the Patriots for the last 10 years as much as anyone and even I never felt the need to BOO them!

Boo them? Why?

You were poor winners when you were 'on top' for that tiny bit and I warned and warned and warned turnabout, comeuppance,... 'yours' was coming. Now you're poor losers too. Of course you are poor losers. It's because you suck. And it's not over yet.

The Pats pretty much need to blow it up and start over. Their complex over-thinking and rehashed version of the Run-and-Shoot won't work. The defense is garbage and there aren't a ton of those Wes Welkers out there. Randy Moss is gonna start aging in dog years, a mix of veterans and older veterans isn't paying off any more and Tommy Boy is probably well aware his latter years on this planet will be stiff-jointed, painkiller addled and limp-filled.

How's the Red Sox off-season going? I can't wait until you boo John Lackey (not that it will register in his box of rocks that holds his lid in place) come April, you sourwads. I'm sure perennial trade-bait cast-off Mike Cameron and insufferable malcontent Adrian Beltre will more than make up for your team letting a classy gentleman like Jason Bay walk for nothing in return. Boy, that Manny trade and all that payroll really panned out for those two consecutive Wild Cards, eh?

I'm sure watching the Celtics average as many points as their average ages will be enjoyable all season until KG's knee gets better and the team's health stays... I'm sorry... I can't even type it with a straight face.

As for the Bruins fans... Well, good luck, Bruins fans. That's the best you could hope for anyway!

Your teams aren't "Fashionable" anymore... shut up and jump on the next bandwagons, you Sports Vermin
Pssst! It's not the Naughty Aughties anymore. No one's knocking down the city's door to make a dream-come-true movie. Time to wake up, put on your underoos and catch the bandwagon because it's already left town.

A friend of mine loves to tell the tale of why bandwagon jumping is so much fun... "It's always where the party is at".

Well guess what? He's right! And there's only booing in Foxborough tonight. You got what you deserved. You booed yourselves. You girlfriend IS ugly. And she's still all yours, losers. You didn't win in the playoffs. And your "dynasty" is a pipe dream long ago smoked...

I love that Tom Brady had the guts to stand up to the media after the game and answer the question. "What did it feel like when they booed you on your home field?"

He answered. "I would have booed us, too."

At least we know he'll make a good politician one day.

You booed yourself
Because you suck.


 * Thanks for reading.
 * The previous article was not directed or intended for knowledgeable or credulous sports fans subjugated to living in the New England area or elsewhere that respectfully root for New England based sports teams. However, if any particular fan as such read this and felt even slightly offended, perhaps they aren't as knowledgeable, credulous or respectfully as they think they are and suck just as much as the human turds this article was directed towards.