Article:20080610 Manny Stiles' Sportsune Cookie

Intro:

Welcome to Manny Stiles' Daily Column:

"Sportune Cookie" - 100% By Product.



If your brain on the edge of a razor blade looks like a BB on a 4 lane highway, maybe you're a Red Sox or Yankees fan with an All-Star ballot in your hand
Ok, I just looked at the current tallies in this year's all-star voting.

EVERY SINGLE AL POSITION has a Red Sox player leading except for 3B - A-Rod and SS - Derek Jeter. (And don't get me started on how deserving those two are).

But seriously, Red Sox fans... Julio Lugie???? is 4th among Shortstops? Mike Blowell is SECOND behind A-Rod? DJ Drew is 11th and Coocoo Crispy is 13th in the outfield? Come on... If Kevin Cueballis and Dustin Spedroia are All-Star starters then what's the point? (Although since the game is in Yankee Stadium, it would be kinda funny)

I don't want to have to explain to my Grandkids one day that "yeah, it was bullship in 2008. First they facked the All-Star game voting up then the Presidential election, too"

It's so ridiculous that it's starting to make me think that fan voting has run it's course of usefulness. It worked when the fans made Wally World the first rookie All-Star starter in 1986 (the year of the rookie), but when Johnny Noarm and Melkdud are 9th and 10th in the OF voting, I think the evidence is mounting to scrap the system.

Democracy is a wondrful thing in theory, but it only works when people are educated enough to make an informed decision and each voter can have equal say across the board, meaning one vote each. Ballot stuffing a baseball All-Star game is about as useless as a person's skill set can get. And these are the people rolling their BB brains down Razor's Edge Highway (BTW - it's a toll road)

Hopefully some logic will prevail before July. Otherwise it might very well be time to take the most useless event in sports and lend it some credence and let the players and coaches pick all the All-Stars.

Then again, that would mean Bud Selig has to "do something".

yeah, I'm wasting valuable webspace aren't I?

Hmmm...
Do you ever wake up and think "Gee, I'm glad I'm not Aaron Rodgers"?

No? Then you and Brian Brohm have something in common!

Do you ever wake up and think "Gee I'm glad I'm not Shaun Alexander"?

Yes? Well, he's jealous of you!

Pre-emptive Maneuvers
Congrats to Ken Griffey Jr., but I'll save most of my hurrahs for when you get to 700. (yeah, I said it)

Cedric Benson - get your head straightened out so we don't end up with another Leonard Little or Jim Leyritz on our hands, ok? Oh, and say "Hi!" to little old Mrs. Clark when you bag up her groceries for her...

T.O., yes that T.O., not the "Real" T.O. is gonna get randomly tested for banned substances by the NFL mostly because he had "communication problems" with the NFL. Earth to NFL - 1) You have your own network's cameramen in this dude's grill just about everyday, 2) make sure you test him randomly for the "crazy" too, and 3) With a $27 million extension he just signed, isn't it time to test Jerry Jones too?

Vinny Del Negro - thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the Bulls coaching job, for not taking the Suns job and mostly for ensuring I won't have to hear you as the color commentator on the radio for Suns games ANY MORE!!! You're a nice guy, you know your basketball, but you say the same freeking thing 80 times a game!!! If I hear "Move the ball from side to side" one more time, I'm gonna move my brain from side to side with a speeding freight train!

And by that I mean, good luck!

Speaking of guys who got coaching jobs and the Phoenix Suns, I'm putting Terry Porter's tenure clock at an even 100 games. I thought about it, they could have done worse (see:Vinny Del Negro) but they hired a guy who also happens to be a minority and that's commendable. Then again, non-hispanic white people are a minority in Arizona, too. (just saying, but it's true).

The part that cracks me up about the local news media covering his first press conference, they are all saying "he will bring toughness and hard-nosed defense to the Valley of the Sun" - yeah, because he also brought a magic wand that will somehow make this roster CAPABLE of such things... give me a break. The window is barely cracked open and that is only if tragic disaster happens to about 7 other teams in the Western COnference between now and this time next year.

Speaking of Western Conference... And how I'm growing weary of the Suns' owner's antics, is it time for me to start up the Portland Trailblazers bandwagon? Because I'm very much considering doing so... Then again, Gilbert Arenas on the Los Angeles Clippers has an intriguing ring to it... you know, if they weren't the Clippers and all...

Media Rant
If they ever get the bright idea to clone journalists (G-D, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE NO!!!!), I hope they made sure to keep some of Jim McKay's DNA.

It's weird how often you forget about people until they're gone, but I never stopped remembering how really, really excellent he was!

I think the days where the journalists relay the story with imagery and finesse instead of stomping all over the story are gone...

I know Jim McKay would have made sure Belmont about the horse that won instead of about the horse who finished last.

Has there ever been more media fascination with a loser and total absence of recognizing the winner?

WTMF Sports
Channel Manny Presents:

W.T.M.F. Sports with your host, Manny Stiles!

Brought to you by the fine distributors of Mega Merkin!

"If you can find a bigger Merkin than Mega Merkin, it's probably a gorilla suit and you haven't figured that out yet. Mega Merkin, at your local merkin dealer and at all Merkin Marts east of the Mississippi"

Reporting on Tuesday, June 10th... Manny Stiles:

MS - "It's Eleven O'Clock, do you know where your pants are? But first, our top story today..."

Jacques Le Coq has nothing on Jean-Luc Grand Pierre. Yeah, the Toronto Maple Leafs are facked forever. Nothing says "we're a joke" more than a what-you-know-will-be-a-dumber-than-expected movie loosely based on your failings.

Ever wonder?
If the Earth spun the other direction would we all be engulfed in West Coast Bias right now?

Time zone differences can be a tough concept for most Eastern Time Zoners to grasp.

The Adventures of ManRays
Today's Ray of the Day is...

Dioner Navarro - what? You think that just because I'm the biggest male Longlorious fan and that he hit two bombs last night that I'm gonna ignore Navvy's supreme contributions?

4-5, 4 rbi and his 3rd HR of the season. He has been completely engulfed in flames at the bat this season and currently at .349 on the season. He's been as solid as ever behind the dish as well.

I remember tons of articles strewn throughout the internet about a month ago saying he was gonna drop like a ball of tungsten on Jupiter (not those words exactly) and here he is still burning brightly like a ball of molten tungsten (that's hot!) but not on Jupiter (it's not that hot there).

Also cleared up and put to rest was the "confrontation" between Navvy and Matt Garza. Dioner basically righted the ship and claims the issue is resolved but Manager Joe Maddon put it more clearly:

"what appears to be a negative can actually create a certain amount of growth and a positive" - and you wonder why I love Joe so much?

Basically, things were said, drama was mama'd and Garza got a ear full of lesson. Navvy calls the shots, Garza focuses his expendable energy on the task at hand - pitching. It's quite simple. But apparently it had to happen in this fashion for the lesson to be not just learned, but remembered.

Navarro will catch Garza in his next start and I'm betting they both are better for this in the long run. One thing for sure, the "suckers" who didn't get the memo to drop Navarro from their "fantasy" squads are looking pretty damned smart this week.

In reality (as in not fantasy), Navarro is a 24 year old player realizing his potential and putting it together nicely. Yes, he turned 24 in February. He hasn't batted below .333 all season!!!

Honorable Mention - Joe Maddon who got his first win as a manager in Anaheim. After spending thirty years in the Angels organization, he finally got one on them (in a third year of trying). Congrats, Joe!

Next up - Scotty K goes for 7 in a row

10
1 - Ty Cobb 2 - Babe Ruth 3 - Honus Wagner 4 - Christy Mathewson 5 - Walter Johnson 6 - Morgan Bulkeley 7 - Ban Johnson 8 - Nap Lajoie 9 - Connie Mack 10 - John McGraw

A Picture is worth 1000 "Shut Up"s to a Yankees fan or 1,000,000 "HA HA"s to a Phillies fan
Or one ride with George Costanza... take your pick.

http://www.faniq.com/images/blog/Tartabull.JPG

Dr. Commento Answers the Questions
ATQ - Yesterday's 10 was Non-Hall of Fame wide recievers from 1980 - 1985 that I liked - yet, somehow (as in I didn't know how to wiki them correctly in sufficient time) I "forgot" Jonny Lam Jones and White Shoes Johnson. Honorable Mention to Harold Carmichael and Alfred Jackson.

KD with the noggin scratcher: "So, how come there's no mention of horse? Because in some European countries, that's what you eat."

Well, KD... I saved this response because I wanted to save these tidbits:

1) The last horse slaughterhouse in the U.S. - which slaughtered an average of 1,000 horses A WEEK and exported the meat to Europe and Japan was closed in December. As in just this past December! Meanwhile, China accounts for a little less than a third of the world's horse meat production.

1b) Oddly enough, there's no word for horse meat in English (like cows = beef, pigs = pork, birds = poultry, etc.)

2) In reality, the majority of meat from horse slaughterhouses does NOT go into pet food production, but the cuts of meat are considered a delicacy and do hit the plates in Japan, and many parts of Europe, South America and Africa. As are many of the by-products (I want Andrew Zimmern on this STAT!).

2b) Blame the Roman Catholic Church for making horse meat a "taboo" item. Also blame the Roman Catholics for bringing horses to the Americas... You never here them bitch about people who eat cars though, do you?

3) Ferdinand, the horse who won the '86 Kentucky Derby and also beat '87 Derby winner Alysheba in a Breeder's Cup race in 1988 was slaughtered in Japan after he failed to stud for his owners after many tries. He went from a $30,000 stud fee stallion to $15 a pound from the meat locker in a mere 12 years (horses regularly live 30-40 years).

Imagine you're a healthy 20 year old human but you're unable to successfully reproduce. Guess what? You're DINNER, pal!! Them's the breaks!

4) Yes, the "left over" parts of a horse (hooves, bone trimmings and connective tissues) are sent to rendering plants, boiled and processed with other animal by products (including restaurant scraps, butchershop trimmings and even good old fashioned road kill) and made into such wonderful everyday products such as soap, animal feed, industrial lubricants and yes, glue - the heavy duty kind like furniture glue. But thanks to the fast food industry, an excess of cow parts have pretty much squashed any demand for horse parts.

5) If you're "so hungry you can eat a horse" and are looking for some horse meat recipes - here you go.

6) As horses age their meat gets tougher (naturally) but it still is leaner and less tough than beef! It is much higher in protein and iron than beef. Now I'm hungry!

7) I found one website that said that a majority of Americans have eaten horse meat many times and that meat imported from South America (and that's A LOT of meat in the U.S.) is notorious for having high horse content. It's most likely that if it DOESN'T say "100% Beef Product", it has horse meat in it! Yummy!

8) More societies in the world frown upon consumption of pigs (Islamic regions) and cows (Hindu regions) than horses (U.S., Canada). Many health boards suggest that horse meat is better for you and safer for consumption than wild game animals such as deer, bison and elk. Hhorses do not share diseases or parasites with humans like just about every other animal we eat. Horses are "dead end hosts" meaning their medical conditions end with their species (don't get frightened about rumors of a deadly "Horse Flu"). Horse meat is even safe for humans when eaten RAW!!! In fact, experts say that the biggest harm horse meat could provide humans is not from disease but from horse medications that may be carried through the meat. But the major drawback to horse meat (other than it is more fibrous than beef) is that it spoils much quicker than beef and can't be stored (frozen, etc) as long as beef. Convenience wins!

9) Horse meat is technically illegal for sale but in many Asian grocery stores in every state but California it can be purchased usually in chunks of 3-5 pounds. It must be listed as "not for human consumption" despite the only health concern is that it's taboo in our society!

10) Americans... yes, we have our heads up our collective butts on so many things. I thought there was more logic to why we don't eat horse meat (although we all have) than there is.... which is none. Next time someone makes a "horse's ass" comment, I'm gonna say - "sure I'll have some, I have some great recipes for it!!!"

Strike a Prose
I'm just another facking poet

I'm just rearranging words  It ain't like nobody's ever thought of this before

I'm just another facking poet

Like I can unlock some lost combination everything tumbles into place Leaving the riches inside to me and my whims

I'm just another facking poet

Man, as soon as I get a good idea I start to think "Yeah, that's a good idea" and I plan it out brainstorming then without warning I forget what I was thinking about

I'm just another facking poet

Like I can read history backwards before it happens Tthe aim toward desired outcomes Avoiding the trappings Wwhat is happening?

I'm just another facking poet

I remember this game playing and playing designed a long time before now the time comes to fruition

I'm just another facking poet